Did you know that about 40% of Americans make resolutions on the dawn of the new year, but only about 8% keep them? That said, people who set explicit goals for themselves are about 10 times more likely to achieve those goals than those who don't.
Therefore, I believe in goal setting. Really, you can set goals for yourself at any time of year, and you should. But there's just something about flipping that last page on the calendar that makes me introspective - like a year end review of life. Sometimes I find that I need a little push, so I've made a checklist to keep myself honest, and to provide a little creative license with my goals this year.
There are two annual occasions that seem to bring out the
worst in people, when really, they should bring out the best: Christmas and
elections.
While the Yuletide season should immerse us in the warm
feelings of generosity and togetherness, too often we become mutant beasts,
duking it out in shopping malls in the name of “the spirit of giving”.
Today, however, is Election Day – a day to celebrate our
freedoms, engage in civic duty, and stand united in our desire to better our
country. And yet, those mutant beasts emerge again in the form of condemnation
and viciousness.We hold tight to our
opinions as obviously superior and fail to see the bigger picture: Our
political animosity undermines the very way of life for which we are fighting.
Dividing ourselves accomplishes nothing but stalemate. Bitter arguing and
finger-pointing does not solve problems or strengthen our country. Unity,
understanding, consideration – these are the real tools to induce change.
So as you cast your vote – and hopefully you will –
remember, someone will inevitably win and it may or may not be the person who
holds your esteem. Rather than despairing the end, be your own source of
change. Spread kindness. Be open-minded. Listen. Unify your community towards a
common goal. Support the values that matter and hope that our elected officials
will do the same.
This morning I left my house and drove down the same
familiar roads I drive down nearly every day. Suddenly, I felt disoriented.
Nothing around me looked familiar.
I had two thoughts: Did
I make a wrong turn? and Wow, it’s
really beautiful here.
I wasn’t lost and I reached my destination without incident,
but that moment of unawareness, or maybe complete awareness, left me thinking.
Sometimes we become so complacent with what is around us that we fail to see it.
It’s a lot like marriage. Married couples get lost in a hive of daily
routine. We become so used to one another that we hardly even see each other.
It is worth that moment of disorientation to make us step back, to really see,
and realize that we are indeed not lost, but in the middle of something really
beautiful and as exceptional as it is familiar.
We’ve all done it. The like-check. Within 2.5 seconds of
posting a brilliant quip on social media, we are drawn to the gravitational
pull of virtual popularity. A dismal showing by our closest
people-we-haven’t-talked-to-for-20-years is like a kick to the seat. The more
disembodied thumbs ups, the more we value ourselves.
Facebook and its counterparts are good for many things.
Reality is not one of them. We all want to be valued. That is an essential part
of our human make-up. But translating a mouse click as a measure of self worth
is counteractive to true, genuine human connections.
My child is still adorable if her latest snapshot receives 2
or 200 accolades. My successes are cause for celebration no matter how
instantaneously I receive external congratulations.My family vacation was still a bucket of fun memory
making, even if the photos weren’t filtered and nobody looks at them. And I
still crave gratitude and appreciation beyond an icon. These realities are the
good stuff of life, whether they are shared or “liked”. I am as guilty as the
next person at being a “like-counter”, but my goal is to move away from needing
the reassurance of the virtual world, and instead, find value in immersing
myself in these moments and celebrating how they make me, and those around me,
feel.
“You throw like a girl.” The classic, emasculating insult.
I watched this awesome “Like a Girl” video earlier this week
and it got me thinking about the messages we send our children – messages we
don’t really even mean to send.
My daughter is a golfer. Golf is not a terribly popular
sport for kids, especially not for girls, but it’s something she’s passionate
about and, frankly, really good at. The other day, we went into a large,
national sporting goods store to find her a few new polo shirts for this
summer’s golf camps. The first thing that struck me was the pure size
differential between the boys’ and girls’ sections. Boys’ was stocked with a
variety of apparel for a multitude of sports in many different brands. Around
the corner, I barely managed to spot the scanty girls’ section, bedecked with a
few different versions of the same running clothes (including sports bras,
because, you know, every 8-year-old needs one of those) produced by maybe 2-3
different brands. And no, no golf apparel at all.
We asked one of the managers about girls’ stock on our way
out and she mentioned that there’s not a whole lot of demand for girls’ sports
apparel. Oh really? Wonder why that is.
Our little shopping venture served as its own message. No
matter how many organizations try to promote sports and activities for girls,
our girls will not receive the message if it doesn’t match their realities.
Girls are not likely to stick with a sport – a sport that gives them strength
and confidence – if they feel like society doesn’t support it. If we want to
give new meaning to phrases like “like a girl”, we need to back up positive
messages with positive actions.
Maybe it’s the arrival of summer, but I’ve been thinking a lot about health and body image lately. I, along with the rest of the Facebook world, have seen the ubiquitous positive body image campaigns that celebrate “real women”. And while I fully support the ideals behind this movement, to deconstruct media portrayals and instill confidence and reality in both grown women and our daughters, I think there is an important distinction to be made: Embracing ourselves does not mean embracing our unhealthy habits. It’s really easy to use the “I love my curves” excuse, or even the "I'm trying to lose weight" line, to validate an unhealthy lifestyle that lacks moderation. What we should value is OURSELVES – enough to love those imperfections, but also enough to take care of our precious bodies.
“I’m constantly in a state of self-improvement, but I don’t beat myself up over it.”
The other day, I was sitting at the beach, and I found
myself observing a trio of early-twenty-somethings, adding color to their
already perfectly tan, bikini-ready bodies. I felt myself getting Why can’t I look like that anymore? rang
in my head.
down.
I gave myself a mental slap to the face. Reality check.
I wouldn’t trade an ounce of my “it comes with age” wisdom
for a slimmer waistline or perkier boobs.
